Tag: Advice (page 1 of 27)

Awesome Advice Central: A grave error

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

Darling Uncle Jimmy died last week. He’s my cousin’s step-father, whom I’ve known since I was a wee laddie of 5. I’d lost my own father, due to an unfortunate and totally unforeseen shaving accident, when I was 4, and Uncle Jimmy bravely stepped in to help out Mam and the other kiddies in our little family.

Uncle Jimmy even helped Mam to the hospital when she had a baby after Da died. Looking back, I can see how much Mam and Da loved each other, as that baby arrived 9 months to the day after Da popped his clogs. Continue reading

Awesome Advice Central: Suburban Turf Wars

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

Last autumn, my husband and I purchased a new home. Because of our busy life (work, play, humanitarian efforts, etc.), we have had no opportunity to meet our neighbours on the other side of the fence. However, we have noticed that they (the neighbours) are quite accomplished in the grass-cutting, house-painting and car-washing departments. Continue reading

Awesome Advice Central & the Poison Pen

Dear CACA,

Haha, I changed your name to pooh! Thats funny, isnt it?

Mommy says I can’t say caca, but I can and I just did. So there mommy.

I need your help becos im angry with my frends. There all poopooheads and I want to hurt them all.

I snuck onto my mommys facbook page and wrote things on ther that woud hurt my frends. Like, I hate you and your a poopoohead and stuff like that and then I found out that this words went to my mommys boss and not to my frends.

She got pretty mad at me for that and said I shouldnt call people bad names like that but i say I can do what i want becos I’m mad.

when I was little my frends were nice but i’m 6 yers old now and now i hate them becos they wont do what I want and when I tell them teachers a baddie who eats little kids for lunch and cuts off ther noses to make doorbells, they say im a big fat liar who hates teacher.

Not true! I like teacher but she never give me good marks. I want good marks and she wont give me and then mommy gets mad and says i have to work hard but i think i’m too bizy with other things to do that.

So I want teacher and my frends to pay becos i’m so angry. and mad. alt="IMAGE-disaster-girl"

My grandmama plade with me one day after school and she wrot to Mommy and said i was an entitled little miss. I red her email and now I want to hert her too. I don’t know what an entitled little miss is but she’s got to pay for saying thats what i am.

My plan is easy becos mommy lets me use her ipad and i know how to use facbook. can you help me get on ther so I can tell the truth about my frends and teacher and grandmama?

I really don’t like them.

Jacqui F. Trades
(age 6) (I’m in second grade, so Im a big girl now) (dont forget to say i’ve got a hamster – his name is ABe) (I have a little sistertoo and shes nice i don’t need to hurt her fornow)alt="IMAGE-text-separator-awesome-advice-central"

Dear Jacqui,

My, you’re a spirited little thing, aren’t you? And by “spirited” we mean, of course, spiteful, vindictive, and quite possibly a budding sociopath. Quite an achievement for one so young.

And you needn’t even think about trying to vent your tiny spleen on us with your poison pen, missy. We are far too old and too ugly to worry about what some over-entitled tyke with a keyboard has to say about us.

Now, as for your unpleasant habit of making up stories about people: since your mother seems incapable of breaking you of this nasty habit, we feel we have no choice but to intervene. Do you know what a “pool boy” is?

No?

Well, let us explain. A pool boy is a large, well-built young man who will come to your house, grab you by your little feet, turn you upside down, and dunk your head in the pool until you promise to stop spreading malicious lies and gossip.

Now, don’t bother holding your breath until you turn blue in the face—it’s no use against us. Yes, we can see you. And so can Derek, our pool boy. If you get our drift.

Awesome Advice Central alt="IMAGE-awesome-advice-central-logo-3-1"

 

 

 

 

 

Awesome Advice Central and the very long kiss

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

This is a short one as I’m sure you will understand once you read my question in full.

Yesterday I went out on a blind date that my friend had set up for me. I’ve been in a bit of a dry patch lately and was looking forward to getting out and meeting someone new. Positive attitude, right?

So I agreed to meet Jerome in the town square at 7 p.m. Safety first, right? Continue reading

Awesome Advice Central: The Office Flirt

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

I need your help in getting a young woman off my husband’s back. And yes, I do know how awful that sounds. It gets worse, so stick around. Read and weep, ladies of Awesome Advice. Read and weep.

This office flirt, I’ll call her Bettina, works with my husband and is overwhelmingly, blatantly, droolingly, interested in married men. Continue reading

Older posts
%d bloggers like this: