Tag: Advice (page 1 of 25)

Awesome Advice Central: Bingo!

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

I’m seriously considering dumping my boyfriend, not because he’s wrong for me, but because of his fans.

We can’t leave our apartment without some weird stalker loon jumping in front of him, trying to take a photo of him. We can’t go to a nice restaurant for lunch or dinner without someone asking for an autograph. We can’t go clubbing without some floozy making a pass at him (in front of me!) or offering him illegal drugs. Continue reading

Get published in 24 easy steps

Dear Wendy,

The other day some of our friends were chatting about how hard it is to get a book—an actual, paper book—published these days.

Okay, I’m no expert on the “these days” part, since the publishing industry has shrunk, shape-shifted, and is probably a completely different animal from the one I remember. Continue reading

Awesome Advice Central breaks into song

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

Back in the 60s, I was in to booze, drugs, and women. And not necessarily in that order, if you know what I mean! Time has been good to me though, and I’ve given up the booze and the drugs. Like Mr Loaf says, “Two Outta Three Ain’t Bad,” right?

I still love women and now, after my recent divorce, I’m looking for my one true love. But it’s a long and dangerous path, strewn with women who want me for my money, my looks, my Maserati, but not for my inner man (that’s the man who lies within my outer man, according to my life coach). Continue reading

Awesome Advice Central: Clothing optional

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

Hey there, I’m writing to you because the police say they don’t have enough evidence to go on, and they refuse to arrest the lady (and I use that term very loosely) across the way from me. They (the cops) say I should “talk to someone”, like I’m a crazy nutbar foop-shooby one-sandwich-short-of-a-picnic type of guy.

I doubt you can help, to be honest. Continue reading

Awesome Advice Central & the True Romantic

Dear Awesome Advice Central,

I’ve always considered myself a true romantic. In fact, I’m the most romantic man I know.

For example, I’ve been married for 20 years, and for our 10th anniversary I bought my dearly beloved a life insurance policy.

Pretty loving, I think you’d agree. She seemed less than delighted, but I think she was just being shy about showing her true feelings. That’s just how she rolls, but I accept her as she is. Continue reading

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