Have you ever heard of a game called Candy Crush? It’s a silly little game you can play on your phone or iPad, and I’m here to warn you, if you haven’t played it, don’t start now.
Its bright colours and cartoonish graphics will make you feel like it’s a kids’ game, but it’s not. It’s a Fool’s game and it will Take. You. Down.
Here, let me introduce you to Level One:
The object of the game is create rows of 3, 4 or even 5 candies. Each time you succeed, Fairies and Unicorns will appear in front of you and shower you with rare Gems and Kisses.
It’s easy to move from Level 1 upwards and as you progress, it gets tougher and your bottom gets smacked by the game. Instead of tossing it aside, you pray to your personal god (in my case, it’s the Underwear God so I had to set Lars’s boxers on fire as sacrifice), hoping that you’ve got what it takes to move on to the next level.
The game seduces and it slaps, in equal measure.
Another name for this phenomenon is Stockholm Syndrome. It’s nice to you and you revel in it, thinking you’re clever for having got past Level 65.
Suddenly, through sheer luck (although you never admit this to yourself), you get to 101. Yay, Hare Krishna and big Huzzahs all around. Simon and Don disappear and the Gems and Unicorn kisses return to make you feel better.
To help players get ahead, the game offers free lives—all you have to do is go onto Facebook, admit you’re hooked, and apparently other Facebook users will take pity on you and shower you with free lives. Just humiliate yourself publicly and victory will be yours.
Don’t get sucked into this, Karen. Save yourself now. Remember: Candy…good. Crush…bad.
Think about that next time someone sidles up to you, asking you to “help” them win, or send them lives. These people are beyond hope and help. There’s nothing you can do for them now.
Save yourself. Go back to Dots.
- Candy Crush is Like Crack (livloveblog.com)
- Why is Candy Crush so addictive to older people? (livingaround360.wordpress.com)
- How To Permanently Block All ‘Candy Crush Saga’ Notifications On Facebook In 2 Seconds (embargozone.com)
- Candy Crush Saga pulling in £400k per day (develop-online.net)